dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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