I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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