woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I need water and some morals
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
