Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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