Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
