I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
