How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
