No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
