the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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