and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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