how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
