She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
