too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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