apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
