i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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