i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize