also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
