Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
