My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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