why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
