exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
it glows. i had to have it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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