there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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