Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
