yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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