Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
