woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
