he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
