You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
