Please, let me fuck your mom
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
my liver is dry heaving
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
