it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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