Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
