we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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