Princesses don't give blow jobs
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
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I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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