his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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