In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
