Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
