you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize