Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
