this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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