'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A+ Viking dick
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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