a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
