she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
