the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize