sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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