I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
