someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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