If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
