how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
