Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
