On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
