I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
