please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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