i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
