saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
