I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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