Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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