so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm just crazy horny about you
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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