Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
