don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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