You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
