No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Four minutes until I can fart!
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
