Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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