She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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