I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
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The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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